A big part of depression is feeling really lonely, even if you're in a room full of a million people.- Lilly Singh
January 3rd, 2018
Today I acknowledge and admit to myself that I am suffering from depression (Been diagnosed as well) and it is surprisingly strange. Why? for starters because I am the jester amidst my friends, colleagues and family members and majorly because everyone thinks I am a robot who is dead emotionally and hardly cries. Funny right?...
With my research experience, I found out that the first step to getting better is knowing what triggered it and for me, that is the hardest part. I think I know the underlying problem but that is one part or story I have decided not to face but today, I will tell it and face it head on.
Sometime in 2014
This was the year I was obeying clarion call in Ibadan. I was dating one of the biggest crush of my life Nuga and it was just right until he suspected that I was cheating on him with a guy named Tumi (Little did I know he was going to change my life) who I met through a friend Demilade (A friendly Enemy which I would tell you about sometime). In honesty I wasn't but I was flirting harmlessly but hey, no explanation could make it right.
I was 22 and filled with youthful exuberance and Tumi being a G figured this out and flashed it all in my face.
Sometime in 2014
This was the year I was obeying clarion call in Ibadan. I was dating one of the biggest crush of my life Nuga and it was just right until he suspected that I was cheating on him with a guy named Tumi (Little did I know he was going to change my life) who I met through a friend Demilade (A friendly Enemy which I would tell you about sometime). In honesty I wasn't but I was flirting harmlessly but hey, no explanation could make it right.
I was 22 and filled with youthful exuberance and Tumi being a G figured this out and flashed it all in my face.
March 3rd 2016
"Baby wake up, lets go the gym; I have to look in shape for March" Tumi says. Every conversation today has been about how he needs to look fit this March, what is going on this March?......
"Maybe he wants to propose this March, says May when I told her and needed to have an inkling of what might be happening.
March 20th 2016
My relationship with Tumi is in a great place, or so I thought. We spoke this morning and for the first time he said he loved me, not sure till date why I thought that was an assurance.
At 7pm, Tumi hasn't called me, what is going on??..... I thought.
So I go on bbm to send him a message, then a see a picture with a woman and the man in the picture had a striking resemblance to my Tumi but hey, once I trust you, I need proof to distrust you but this wasn't enough. I tried sending a message and then I see the legendary "Delete or re-invite"
Mogbe, Tumi deleted me and not picking my calls?, at this point I was shaking uncontrollably, my worst nightmare might just be unraveling before me.
March 21st 2016.
I called his flatmate drizzy, "Morning Drizzy, how far?, you guys didn't tell me you were having a party at your house yesterday? I said.
Tumi didn't tell you about the engagement, I thought he did! and there it was, a confirmation to my suspicion.
So I dropped the call and went straight to the palms which was the closest store to my place of work and bought me some good fashioned vodka.
I sent a text which said "Happy married life " to Tumi and blocked him from every platform I know he could reach me on, I didn't want closure, not from this monster of a man.
This my friends was the second and the trigger blow and how my depression was born!
"Baby wake up, lets go the gym; I have to look in shape for March" Tumi says. Every conversation today has been about how he needs to look fit this March, what is going on this March?......
"Maybe he wants to propose this March, says May when I told her and needed to have an inkling of what might be happening.
March 20th 2016
My relationship with Tumi is in a great place, or so I thought. We spoke this morning and for the first time he said he loved me, not sure till date why I thought that was an assurance.
At 7pm, Tumi hasn't called me, what is going on??..... I thought.
So I go on bbm to send him a message, then a see a picture with a woman and the man in the picture had a striking resemblance to my Tumi but hey, once I trust you, I need proof to distrust you but this wasn't enough. I tried sending a message and then I see the legendary "Delete or re-invite"
Mogbe, Tumi deleted me and not picking my calls?, at this point I was shaking uncontrollably, my worst nightmare might just be unraveling before me.
March 21st 2016.
I called his flatmate drizzy, "Morning Drizzy, how far?, you guys didn't tell me you were having a party at your house yesterday? I said.
Tumi didn't tell you about the engagement, I thought he did! and there it was, a confirmation to my suspicion.
So I dropped the call and went straight to the palms which was the closest store to my place of work and bought me some good fashioned vodka.
I sent a text which said "Happy married life " to Tumi and blocked him from every platform I know he could reach me on, I didn't want closure, not from this monster of a man.
This my friends was the second and the trigger blow and how my depression was born!
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